


Bridge Over Troubled Water

by CloverHighFive



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gender-neutral Reader, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-08-01 03:22:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16276865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CloverHighFive/pseuds/CloverHighFive
Summary: You might not be aware of it, but the boys noticed you’re not yourself and they try their best to make you feel better.





	Bridge Over Troubled Water

**Author's Note:**

> This is a non-gendered reader insert. Also, depiction of depression shouldn't be triggering. Enough to recognize it, but not too deep. The whole point of me writing this is to provide a sense of comfort.

The first day, you woke up feeling like you hadn’t slept enough. You stayed in bed, hoping to fall back asleep, in vain. You got up a bit later than usual, and, after your morning routine, you went to the kitchen. You found Dean cleaning his guns, telling you Sam was out for a jog and that there was some leftover fruit salad in the fridge. You didn’t feel like eating much, so you just had a coffee. The day went by. You went to bed but couldn’t sleep.

The second day, you woke up late but so tired again. You wondered why you slept so bad. You shut the thought out of your head, got dressed with the clothes that were on the chair from yesterday, and went to the kitchen. When you entered, Sam and Dean looked up from their computers and stared at you.

“What?”, you said. “You got a serious case of bed hair,” Dean said, raising his eyebrows. “I think you just forgot to brush it,” Sam said. You scowled. “What are you? My dads?” Sam tried to explain. “It’s just because you usually brush your hair a little before coming for breakfast, that’s all.”

You frowned. You flattened your hair this way and that. You knew it was not helping, but why does Sam care anyway? You’ve been crashing here for a few months now, he’s seen you with bad hair. What’s his problem this morning? What, Mister Winchester wants you to always be pretty? You’re not pretty, you’re a hunter. Come to think of it, actually, could you really call yourself a hunter? You were not a very good shot, you didn’t run very fast, and you didn’t know half as much on lore and monsters as Sam. So why were they letting you live here anyway? You wanted to tell him to shove it, but you’d make him angry, you’d fight, he’d tell you you were always useless anyway, Dean would say it was Sam’s idea to let you come and live with them, and then the boys would tell you to pack and leave and you’d be out on your own again, on the road, without an address.

The boys were still staring. Dean asked you, “Are you alright?” You answered, “I know, my hair looks bad. Big deal.” The brothers looked at each other, utterly confused. Dean said, “It’s not about the hair. It’s… it’s…” Sam caught Dean’s train of thought, “It’s because it’s unusual. If you were in your pj’s, OK, but usually, when you’re dressed for the day… Anyway. It’s fine, we all have bad hair days.” Dean chuckled, “Not me! haha!” He turned to you and, looking at you, became serious again. “But, um, yeah. It’s alright. Forget it.” He shot a questioning look at Sam. All this concern about your appearance put you on edge. “What the fuck is it with the focus on my hair this morning? Don’t you have anything else to do?” Dean snapped back, “What? Hey, wo!” You knew it. You knew you’d fight. This is it, you thought, the beginning of the end. You saw Sam turn to Dean and, between clenched teeth, tell him “Dean, come on!” Dean gestured in your direction and said, “But…” Sam just sighed angrily at him, and, with a look, shut him up. Meanwhile, you hadn’t noticed, but your heart felt heavy and you were certain that, if you’d been alone right now, you’d cry. What is wrong with me, you asked yourself, staring blankly at the wall.

You got pulled out of your trance hearing Sam say “Hey, hey, hey!” as he got up and quickly got to you. You just had time to look up to see his open arms close in around you, and feel yourself lifted up like a doll, too immobile in your head to remember you’re supposed to put your arms around him too. He put you back down. “[Y/N],” he said as he took your hair out of your face and put his hands on your shoulders, “What’s going on? Did you have a nightmare or something? What’s going on?” Your brain didn’t seem to work. You looked into Sam’s eyes. The only thing you saw is their colour. Actually, their colours, plural. There was some gr- “[Y/N], What’s going on?” You blinked. The only echo in your mind was Dean snapping at you. “Why is Dean mean to me?” As you heard yourself say it, it sounded idiotic. You heard Dean right beside you – when did he get there? “Look, I’m sorry.” He put his hand on your shoulder. You turned to look at him. He seemed worried. “Come on, come sit. I’ll bring you coffee.”

You sat at the table, your brain still empty. Sam sat beside you, his body turned to face you. A coffee mug appeared in front of you. You looked at Dean’s hand, a strong, masculine, yet gentle hand, as he turned the mug so the handle was just right for you to pick the mug up. You didn’t touch it. You watched Dean sit and look at you. Your brain echoed that feeling you had that you were probably going to have to pack everything today because the boys would be done with you. It suddenly seemed very stupid. But you still felt it. You looked at Sam, then Dean, realized they looked genuinely confused and concerned. Of course they won’t kick you out. But you still felt it.

Then it hit you. It had been so long, you had happily forgotten about it, that fucking Beast of depression. Everything made sense now. The tiredness, the irrational moods, the anxiety, the certainty that things would go wrong, so certain you’d acted out on it and made things go exactly how you feared they’d go. Except, they didn’t. In all fairness, Dean didn’t really snap at you. It was more of a surprised response to your snapping at him. Sam had run to hug you. Dean had brought you coffee. You felt like shit for being so weird with them and yelling at them. You felt a surge of hate for the Beast – because, to you, it was a Beast. That thing messed up your judgement about everything.

“Kiddo?” Dean got you out of your head again. You chose to not tell the boys. You didn’t want their pity, you didn’t want them to try to fix you; it didn’t work that way. You made a show of letting out a big sigh. “Sorry guys,” you said, looking at the table, “I just really didn’t sleep well. I’m just super tired. I’m so sorry.” You looked up through your lashes. They seemed to have bought it. Sam pulled you in with a big hug. “Hey, it’s alright. Don’t worry about it. Bad nights happen.” This time, you remembered to put your arms around him. You knew it calmed the Beast. Sam smelled good, too. You gave him a little squeeze and you let him go. Dean asked you, “Hey, I can make you breakfast. What do you want?” “Um, I’ll stick to my coffee for now. Maybe when I’ll be awake, I’ll be hungry.” “Fine by me. Just say the word when you’re ready.” You actually smiled. “Alright. Thanks.” You glanced at Sam as you were taking a sip of your coffee and he smiled and winked at you, and patted your shoulder before turning back to his laptop.

During the day, you all did some research in the lore for the current case. You listened to the boy’s conversations. You declined Dean’s invitation to clock some shooting time in the range in favour of a nap. The nap didn’t happen, but you had found fics on tumblr about Thor and Loki. Some of them were pretty funny; some of them got your mind busy with interesting images. Man, they’re brothers! What the… Anyway.

You heard a little knock on your door. “Come in!” The door cracked open and Sam asked, “Dean wants to know what you want for dinner. He’s going to head out for groceries.” Uh, that was new. Dean always just bought the food and winged it. Sure, sometimes, he’d ask if you or Sam wanted something in particular, but not for a whole meal. You were all used to eating what’s available. Dean also knew pretty much what everyone liked, so it all worked out anyway. “[Y/N]?” “Oh, sorry. Um, seriously, I have no idea.” Sam chuckled. “Yeah, me neither. We’ll end up with burgers and pizza again if we don’t come up with something.” You shook your head. “I’m really sorry, I really have no idea.” Sam hung on the doorknob. “I don’t know… Maybe something you haven’t had in ages? Maybe something your mom used to make?” Uh, something your mom made that you liked… “Oh, I know! But it’s a bit strange.” Sam gestured for you to continue, “hey, strange is our life!” “Haha… Yes. It’s spaghetti, no sauce, but with butter, and with corndogs on it.” Sam’s brows furrowed. “Corndogs.” You laughed. “Cut in slices and grilled in a pan. Plus, a ton of cheese, and the whole thing put to broil in the oven.” Sam’s eyes widened. “My god…” “I know. Starch, salt and fat heaven. Sorry Sam, no veggies allowed. Haha!” Sam shook his head as if he tried to shake the idea of that dinner off. He raised his eyebrows. “Fair enough. Starch, salt and fat heaven for dinner tonight!” You flashed him a smile as he closed the door.

“Corndoghetti? You even gave it a name?” Dean exclaimed, as he put your plate in front of you. “That’s awesome!” “Thanks!” you said, laughing, as you took your fork to attack the humungous plate Dean had made for you. “Seriously, Dean, you think I’m going to eat all that?” He pointed at the plate and looked at you. “Kiddo, you ate next to nothing for the last two days, so do yourself a favour. Eat.” “Alright, alright.” Dean had a knack for cooking and he had managed to make this ridiculous thing taste even better than you remembered. It was also fun to eat, that big pile of noodles glued in a glop by the melted cheese. As you battled with your food, you looked up to see if the boys liked it too. Dean seemed to be in the same heaven as you, and Sam seemed to enjoy himself too. In the end, you managed to eat half the plate. Dean seemed content with that.

Dean sat back against the wall, patted his tummy. “Man, that was surprisingly good.” You smiled and turned to Sam. He smiled, “Yeah. Not too often, but yeah, once in a while… Yeah. It’s oddly satisfying.” Dean turned to Sam, offended. “Oddly? I think you mean ‘Super’.” That made you giggle.

Dean changed the subject. “Hey kiddo, while you were slacking off this afternoon, we got intel on where to get the crystal we need. It’s a bit far, so we’re leaving at 7 sharp. We’re gonna pack our gear tonight.” Just thinking about getting up early for a big day of sitting in the car, fighting people or monsters, escape, drive back… you were exhausted. “I think I’m gonna pass.” Dean was surprised. “What? Why?” “I’m too tired. If I go with you, I’m going to be a liability. I’d rather stay here.” The boys looked at each other. Sam said, “You’re sure?” “Yeah, I’m sure. I’ll take the day off, try to rest.” The boys looked at each other again. You knew they were understanding each other about something. “What? I see you, guys. What is it?” Sam said, “Nothing. We thought you’d like a change of scenery. Plus, you never stay back.” You probably looked like you were about to argue, because he quickly added, “No, but it’s fine. You need to rest, so stay. It’s OK.”

You went to your room since the boys were busy packing their gear. It didn’t take long before you heard a knock on your door. “Come in!” It was Dean. “Hey there,” he said. “Heyyy. Oh, thanks again for the corndoghetti. It was just… mmmmmm!” “Oh, thank you. I’m going to make that again. Maybe not this week, but sometime.” “You’re welcome.” Dean leaned against the door frame, crossed his arms and stuck his chin out at you. “Wanted to know, how do you feel about a movie?” You answered, surprised, “You… You’re done packing?” Dean laughed softly. “Sweetheart, how long do you think I’ve been doing this job? I’m packed, it took me 10 minutes.” “Oh. Um…” Dean walked the 3 paces from the door to you. He extended his hand. “Actually, I just decided that your answer is yes. Come on.” “Come on where?” “To my room. I have a bigger TV than yours.” “And Sam?” “He’s waxing his buttcrack.” You frowned, suspicious. “Really?” Dean threw his arms in the air. “I don’t know. And quite frankly, I don’t want to know.” He shook his arm at you, his hand extended again. “Come on.”

Usually, when you watched a movie with Dean, he insisted you get comfortable on the bed, him taking a chair, putting his feet up on the bed. But not this time. This time, he told you to scoot over and he sat right next to you. Seeing you take your distance to give him space, he objected. “No, no, stay close. If you fall asleep, I don’t want you to fall off the bed. Stay here.” You were surprised, but it was so sweet of him. You got back next to him. He started the movie, some light-hearted comedy. Funny enough to keep your mind busy – which was good – but light enough you soon felt groggy and you lay your head on Dean’s shoulder. He whispered a little “hey…” and wrapped his arm around you, pulling you in. You kind of smooched yourself in a little bundle against him. He gave you a little kiss on the head. He was warm. His breathing was deep and even. Your eyelids got heavier. You felt him move when he chuckled.

Next thing you knew, the silence woke you up. You took a deep breath, unbundled yourself from under Dean’s arm and sat up. Dean spoke softly. “Hey, you can sleep here. I’ll take another room.” You rubbed your eyes. “No, it’s fine. It’s just 2 doors down. Thanks.” You got up and walked to your room. By the time you had changed into your pj’s, you were somewhat awake. You had a hard time falling back asleep.

You woke up the next day to a silent bunker. You checked the time. 8:30. You kind of remembered sleeping through a bit of noise earlier. The boys were gone to get the crystal.

Having the bunker to yourself felt a bit like being more free than usual. For example, you realized you could take the longest shower and no one would complain about needing the bathroom nor that there’s no more hot water left. You also didn’t need to worry about carrying – or forgetting – your clothes to the bathroom. You liked this.

You stripped, went to the bathroom naked, and got the water running. You rummaged through Sam’s hair products and chose the most perfect combination of scents. You took your time and even gave your feet a good scrub job. You washed your hair and put some conditioner that needed to be left in five minutes. It stayed in 15 minutes. The scents were soothing. When you finally had enough, the shower was so misty it was like breathing a cloud.

As you walked back to your room, you heard a voice behind you. “Hello, [Y/N].” You jumped, almost slipped, screamed and covered yourself the best you could before you realized it was Cas. “Good lord, Cas! You scared me!” “Oh, I’m sorry. Why are you naked?” “I just got out of the shower!” “But you don’t usually walk around naked.” “Well, the bunker was supposed to be empty!” “Oh.” “Why am I… I’m going to get dressed now.” “OK. I’ll be in the library.” “Alright.”

When you got to the library, Castiel was reading a book in enochian. “The amount of grammar mistakes indicates this is a poor translation.” You stopped short. “A translation… _into_ enochian?” Castiel looked up from his book and closed it. “Yes.” You wondered why the angels would need something translated into their language, but you had a more pressing question. “So, Cas, nice to see you, but why are you here? Cause the boys aren’t here, so…” “I came to see you.” “Why?” “Because I hadn’t seen you in a while. I like spending time with you.” You squinted at Cas. And it dawned on you. The boys knew you were a bit off these days. They had called Cas to make sure you wouldn’t spend the day alone.

“Cas?” “Yes, [Y/N]?” “How much exactly are the boys worried about me?” Castiel’s eyes widened, and he looked at the book in his hands. “What? They’re not… Um, I don’t know.” You walked to Castiel, took the book out of his hands, put in on the table. “Cas, it’s alright, you can tell me. It’s clear they sent you to babysit me.” “That’s not what they said. And you’re a grown human. You do not require babysitting.” You laughed a little. “Cas. Seriously. Tell me.” He looked at you like a puppy caught doing something wrong. “They said you seemed quieter than usual and you might need some company. They asked me to come and spend the day with you.” You decided to tease him a little. “So you didn’t come because you wanted to see me. You came because you had to.” The look of confusion and disbelief on his face was priceless. Fishing for compliments with Cas was so easy. “Why would you say that? I always love spending time with you!” You patted his shoulder. “It’s alright, I’m just teasing you.” “But it’s true.” “I know, I know. Love you too, Cas.”

“So, Cas, what are we going to do today?” “I don’t know. I saw a fair on my way here. People seem to enjoy themselves at fairs.” So you went to the fair. Castiel agreed to go on every ride, insisting on going on the rides you were unsure about. He explained he found it fascinating how humans devised ways to trick gravity in order to give the body sensations. He wanted to try them all. It was hilarious to see Castiel sitting stoic on every ride, studying its workings. He assured you he enjoyed himself. After lunch – Castiel didn’t let you forget to eat – you tried your hand at winning a plushie, but, being a so-so shot, wasted quite a bit of money. “I’m bad at this,” you told Castiel, after losing at the 6th stand. Castiel asked, “Which stuffed animal did you want?” You pointed, pouting, at a giant Toothless. “That black dragon with green eyes, there.” Castiel gave money to the man at the stand. He took the balls and threw them all exactly in the right spot. The man congratulated Castiel. “You’re very good, sir! You can have one big plushie or 3 little ones.” Your eyes sparkled. “Really?” “Yes miss. I believe you’re the one choosing. Just tell me which.” You chose a small Toothless for yourself, a Batman for Dean and a cute little monster for Sam. You were beaming like a child. “Thanks, Cas.” “Anytime, [Y/N].” For the rest of the afternoon, you walked around the fair and redid a few rides again. Before leaving, you bought a big pretzel for Dean.

Back at the bunker, the boys were in the war room, checking out the crystal they’d just fetched. As you descended the staircase with Castiel, they were all smiles. “Hey, look who’s back!” said Dean, as he walked up and hugged you. He gave Castiel a pat on the back. “So what did you do?” Castiel answered, “We went to the fair.” “The fair?” He looked at you. “OH! Is that a pretzel?” “Yes, I got it for you.” “Oh YES!” He took the pretzel and started on it. Sam walked up to you and hugged you too – a little longer than Dean. “You had a good time?” “Yes, and I brought you presents.” Dean beamed. His mouth was full of pretzel. “Presents?!” You laughed. “Yeah, it’s just stupid little things.” You handed out the little monster for Sam, who grinned and said thanks. You showed your dragon, Dean pointed at it and did a thumbs up. You fetched out Dean’s – “Batman!!! Haha!” he exclaimed, and he snatched it from you.

Sam, Castiel and you all stared at Dean. “What?” he said. You shook your head. “Dean, it’s fine. You don’t have to overdo it.” “Overdo what?” “The excitement. I know you boys don’t care about plushies. I just thought it was funny.” Dean gestured with the pretzel. “This is awesome, though.” “Yes. But it’s fine. The Batman is just a joke.” You turned to Sam. “The monster too. You can use the plushies in the shooting range, if you want. It was just for the fun of it.” Sam smiled, looking at his monster, turning it in his hands. Dean looked at his Batman and at you. He looked at his Batman again. “Yeah. Even if Batman is cool… Yeah. Well, maybe.”

You all sat at the war room table for dinner. The boys had gotten pizza. They discussed the case, told about their day. Castiel told about the intricate ways rides made your stomach churn. You sipped on your beer. The conversation trailed off into silence. You sipped your beer.

Dean, sitting in front of you, gestured his beer at you. “OK, [Y/N], talk to us.” “What?” “Look. We know, you know, Cas knows, we all know you know we know… Come on, you can talk to us.” “And tell you what?” “Tell us what we can do. Something’s eating you. You can tell us what it is. We’ll figure it out. We’ll help you.” You really didn’t see that coming. “What?” Sam took over. “Look, we’ve noticed you’re a bit zoned out. You usually have an angle for a case, an idea, or, at least, you play devil’s advocate. You always challenge our theories, you help us. All the time. But these days, you seemed… lost in your thoughts.” You looked at the three men waiting for you to tell them what was going on. They were way too observant; you resigned yourself. “I guess… Look, Dean, it’s not a ‘thing’. You can’t ‘figure it out’. It’s just a wave of depression, it’s fine, I’m used to it, I know how to ride it out.” Everyone looked at you, thinking. Castiel said, “Can I cure it?” “Sorry, Cas, I don’t think so. It comes and goes. It’s a weird thing.” Dean insisted, “Surely, we can help, do something.” You shook your head. “Actually, you’re already doing it. You’re kind and caring, yet still normal. Tricking me into telling you my ultimate comfort food? And making it for me? That was good.” You looked at Dean, Castiel, Sam. “Really, guys, you don’t have to worry.” Sam put his hand on your arm and squeezed. “But we do anyway. You’re family.” You put your hand on his. “Thanks. But I’m better now. I’ll be fine. Promise.” He let his hand on your arm, looking you in the eyes. He smiled and let you go.

Everyone called it a night soon after dinner and went to their respective bedrooms. Castiel left for who knows where he goes when he leaves. You changed in your pj’s, something long and soft. You put your little dragon on the night table, turned off the light, got under the sheets. You stared at the ceiling and knew this was not going to help you. You thought, I need a distraction. Not your phone, because the light will keep you up even longer. In fact, you didn’t feel like doing anything. But you couldn’t keep staring at the ceiling, that much you knew. Sam’s face popped in your head. Yeah, you thought, I think Sam might agree to me hanging out in his room, doing nothing. That’s better than staying here, doing nothing. Alright, let’s try that.

You knocked on his door. “Sam, it’s me. Can I come in?” You heard him say “Of course” from inside. You opened the door. The first thing that caught your eye was the plushie monster sitting on the bedside table. Sam was lounging on his bed, reading a book. You caught your breath. It was like you were seeing him for the first time. His hair framed his face perfectly, drawing your attention to his jaw. “What’s up, [Y/N]?” His expression was the softest. You remembered why you came. “Can I just… hang out here with you? I don’t feel like being alone in my room right now.” “Of course,” he said, as he scooted on the bed and patted it, inviting you to sit beside him. “Do you want to talk about something? Watch a movie? Read a book, maybe? I have a few here you might like.” You looked at his hands. The book he was holding seemed so small in them. “No… I don’t want to do nothing… Just be here. You can keep on reading your book, I’ll just… be here. Is that ok with you?” “Sure, no problem.” You sat next to him. He turned back to his reading. For a few pages, you just stared at the book, thinking about nothing. Then, you got to looking at his hands again. His long legs. His big feet. He seemed so strong. Without knowing it, you found yourself leaning against him, getting your head comfortable against his shoulder. Sam rubbed your head with his cheek, still reading. You found a deep interest in a crease in his jeans. Sam’s breathing was like the slow, calming waves of a quiet sea.

“I’m sorry,” you said, out of nowhere. Sam rubbed your head with his cheek as he said softly, “Why do you say that?” “Because I’m not a very good hunter.” Sam let his book fall on his lap. “Nonsense. Why do you say that?” “Because I can’t shoot a gun like you do. Seems to me it’s important.” “But it’s not what makes a hunter. Sure, it helps, but in the end, it’s finding the right information and finding the right monster that counts. You’re good at helping with that. Hunting is a team effort. We all have strengths. Mine are different than Dean’s, and different than yours. Nobody has every talent, that’s why we’re stronger together. And, in case no one told you, you’re badass at close combat. You’re quick, strong and sneaky. It’s a real delight to see you beat up the bad guys. Sometimes I wish I could stop in the middle of a fight just to watch you.” You both said nothing for a moment, thinking about recent battles. Sam said, a little under his breath, “My god… You’re amazing.”

You backed away ever so slightly to look at Sam. You couldn’t help but try and count the colours in his eyes. Green, blue, hazel… Figure out how they merged and yet were well defined. Sam held your gaze as he passed his arm around you. He whispered, “You’re amazing.” You saw his eyes trail down to your lips and back again into your eyes. He pulled you closer and kissed you on the forehead, a long, immobile kiss, as he wrapped his other arm around you. You closed your eyes. He smelled so good, he was so warm. You wrapped your arms around him, under his flannel. You felt his hands grip you tighter.

You leaned back a little to look at him again, your hand coming back on his abs. He put a hand on your face, traced little circles on your cheek with his thumb. He whispered again, “You’re amazing,” and he came in slowly, giving you a soft kiss, closing his eyes, resting his forehead on yours. You kissed him back, a long, lingering kiss. You waited for your heartbeats to slow down a little. Sam said, eyes still closed, “Do you want to spend the night here? To sleep, I mean.” You said yes.

Sam gave you another kiss on your forehead, got up, stripped to his boxers and t-shirt, turned off the light, and came back to you. You both got under the sheets and you nestled into him, your nose in the crook of his neck. Your whole universe became Sam scented. He wrapped his arms around you, holding you close. He rested his head against yours. His deep, slow breathing contrasted with his heartbeat. You squeezed him tighter. Soon his warmth made you sleepy and you felt yourself slipping away. You heard a whisper. “Goodnight, [Y/N].” You mumbled something. You felt a kiss on your head, a thumb stroking your arm. Your heart felt full as you fell asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone ever makes corndoghetti I wanna know lol - send me pics on my tumblr (same name).


End file.
